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Thursday, September 23rd, 2004
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i'm fucking eighteen now, mother queers
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Friday, November 22nd, 2002
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Dad,
I've been thinking about this place alot tonight, or, last night whenever you wake up. Actually, ever since i was told a girl would "fuck" me since i gave her a cigarette, the first day here at the store in Redding or, wherever it is. To straight up tell you what i feel, is miserable, i really don't like this new place. Nothing is within decent walking distance, you don't seem to want to want to do much, though i do appreciate everything you've done, but it's all material. I don't know if you've noticed, but that's not really my "style". I don't know if you can help me with my emotions, and i definitely know that I wouldn't feel better with counceling, the problem I have, is that I have no selfishness. I'm too worried about friends and you that I never take care of myself. I was worried about proposing these ideas or idea depending on how much i come to think while writing...
I hate my school, i generally don't want to abide their rules and I don't want to accept the social aspect. There is no one student there sharing my interests and the only kids that have tried to make friends with me or talk to me have been pot heads and junkies. With my feelings on my life here, I'm not going to dare to try to make friends with them for fear I'll become an alcoholic (which i'm considering sadly), a pot head, or, you've guessed it, a junkie. I remember when we lived in Iowa, how I would read to cover my depression, but how can I read when the library is complete horse shit. Imagine that, depression in the first and second grade. You, meaning peers, adults, parents, have always had the idea that I'm intelligent and generally at an advanced level in comparisson to every other child my age, almost pressing it on me. I'm slowly realizing this all now, I am more intelligent, and you did press it upon me, and i'm very very pissed off. I don't like how YOU want ME to goto college. I want ME to goto college, and as of now, I really don't know how I feel about college anymore. Sure I've always planned on attending, but for what? I have no reason to attend college as of now, I really don't see how it should or would apply to my life, as of right now, more money? Fuck money. How will I live without it? Maybe I just shouldn't. I mean, go against the standard idea of American life, get married, have kids. If I can't support a family, I won't have a family. I'm getting off subject, the point of this paragraph is: The school system here is bull just as much as every other, and I really don't feel it's in my best interest emotionally, physically, or in general to attend a school I feel disgusted about.
I've been considering moving in with Carrie, though I have quite a distaste for Andy, maybe things can be worked out. I want things to be worked out with him, I mean, he's my fuckin' brother and I shouldn't hate him.
I want to go back on the subject of my ambition of keeping everyone fit without helping myself. I want you to be happy! There was a time when I was going to run away to live with this amazing girl named Annie I met a while ago, but when mom died, she told me to stay for you, thank you Annie. I, at the time, didn't even have a relationship with you, we've never really had one. You were always gone when I was a child and I don't forgive you, I just don't care. Carrie has made it clear to me mom told you that you had fucked up, but I don't mind that dad. You're my father and I realize a relationship like that takes quite a while to build on. I love you, that's enough for me. I don't need anyone to take the place of mom, this is just how things are, and I'm fine with that. You're a great father, I really like you as my father. I don't feel you were wrong to move us up here, how could you know i'd feel this way? It was great for you, and I want you to be happy, but at this point in my life, it's not great for me. I agree with Annie now, but maybe this shows you how serious that side of me can be. I had enough money for one bus ticket to and back from Montana in case things didn't work out. Annie didn't even know that I had the money.
Since I seem to be explaining myself more now, I want to tell you why I want piercings, tattoos, the freedom to smoke and whatnot. I'm conservative, while at the same time revolutionary, with tribal aspects mixed in. I want piercings and tattoos for the tribal aspect, body art. Though it's not paint on canvas, it's still art, just the same as music, the clothes i wear, down to the bracelet I have and the quarter machine ring on my pinky. I feel very strongly about art and expression which is why i feel down when you deprive me of these. It brings us back to your thought of college, you want me to do well. I can still do well with piercings and tattoos, regaurdless of what you may think. I do so well on computers, I can get a job in that aspect, which is run by the younger generation like me anyways. This is just a half-assed example, I'm getting dry on thoughts. I'm vegan because of my belief in a phrase. "It's not a matter of survival anymore, and that's a fact we can't ignore" - Dennis Lyxzen. After reading about the issue for a while I decided to exercise my right to freedom of diet, which isn't any ammendment or rule anyways, it's just how I feel. I think I've already talked to you about how I feel about government and political issues, and religion. I really cannot think of anything else to cover right now, leave it to the future.
Anyways, I understand you're going to want to oppose these ideas and thoughts, I will consider giving us time, however, I don't know how much longer I can last. I already don't feel alive, it's just a matter of moments before my true self dies along with my mind. I'm just being nearly ridiculous now, sorry. I really want you to consider my idea of moving in with Carrie, it's the only idea I have. I can take that California high school efficiency test and get that done with, and if I can't take the test right away, atleast I have a past to fall back on to get through the time, and then maybe college.
I'm really tired of typing now, so, I hope you not only enjoyed reading this with the thought of something actually happening between us, but also that maybe this is the best thing for me.
xo,
jake
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Comments: Read 14 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, November 21st, 2002
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Wednesday, November 20th, 2002
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okay, i'm gonna do a little presentation of my teachers, regaurdless of it's length and distasteful comments...
this bitch is period uno, she's spanish and teaches english. apparently the white kids get shit cuz she's racist, i guess she's scared of me.oh yeah, her names mrs. gonzalez.
career life teacher, mr. langan, he's alright, he let's the kids get away with shit and they respect him for it.
mrs. sioux, ROP computers class, which i'm acing, whatever, she's alright. her son's name is jake.
period four, mr dietle, like that movie i think. he's the physicial education teacher, wears short khakis, and flirts with the girls......
period five, world history, mr. olson, like the twins. anyways, this dudes pretty rad, i think he might be a socialist, i might just need to have a conversation with him. maybe not, he's fuckin weird.
per.6, mrs. charlon.......she's looks like she should be setting in the desk next to me. she gets alot of sexual comments from the boys, i bet it sucks to be her, on the other hand, maybe she's flattered.... 
i mean seriously, look at her.
mrs boeger....biology. she seems nice enough, i think she's got some sort of deep dark thought about like, sex or something. she probably thinks about penises ripping through virgins vaginas and the hymen being completely ruptured and blood oooooozing out of aslkhgasdflkgf......sorry..
 i haven't met this chap yet, academic advisor, only on friday's, today's wednesday, so, fuck?
anyways, that's it. if you wanna see the cheap ass school's page just search for hamilton high school on google. it brought up like two pages from some school in ohio and then mine. have fun.
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Comments: Read 9 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, November 19th, 2002
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name : jake
favorite record : this life's halt what happens next split twelve inch
boston?: rad
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, November 16th, 2002
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yo, i'm here. it's beautiful but towns too far to walk to and i just saw the distillers on mtv. uh. yeah, it looks like the east coast, chico does anyways. it's fuckin beautiful. oh yeah, i plan on getting a new journal so whatever. i'll update you soon once i connect my computer to the internet. (i'm on my aunt's)xo peace.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, November 9th, 2002
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i'm moving tomorrow. those demos didn't get done, but i'll be sure to get it done when i come back down to so cal the next time. so. until next time (a few days, a week, ?) xo, peace.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, November 5th, 2002
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OCTOBER 29, 2002
PANIC CALLS IT QUITS AT BACK TO SCHOOL JAM 6
We saw this coming for a while, but we were hopeful that they'd get their act together. Regardless, Panic breaking up is a bumout to all of us here at Bridge Nine, and we wish those guys the best in their future projects. Two EP's, a California tour, and lots of East Coast weekends and mini-tours wasn't enough to reach everyone who wanted to see these guys, but for those who did, it was a good time while it lasted.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Sunday, November 3rd, 2002
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oh yeah, and once again i've had one hell of a drunken blur of a weekend. halloween sucked.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, October 30th, 2002
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this was an email type shit from some girl i know.....
i had a conversation with an old time "punk" today over the word punk. i hate using punk, (petty hoodlum) most of "us" don't steal, and if we do, it's because we have to. i just don't fucking get it, i'm not a fucking hoodlum, what crime do i commit besides underage smoking? shit's just fucking ridiculous. i had a guy call me asking for the head of the household, he was trying to support measure f, a stupid fucking bill possibly soon to pass here. by the end of the conversation i bet this dude worshipped me, i had turned him into a socialist. i feel fucking powerful, and i don't know if i like that. but in some cases i do, for instance, i am fucking petty. i'm a petty mother fucker. but i still have power. you don't need to be rich and complacent. be poor and powerful. overpower the mind, don't fuck with it. i feel what i do by overpowering the mind is great to lead the ignorant masses back on the right track. i'm making them think for themselves by giving them a start by thinking like me. besides this one, i have to mention all the countless others that have gone vegan, vegetarian, anarchist, socialist, whatever because of ME. because of ME. ME ME ME ME ME! anyways, i wanna go finish this movie mr. deeds before my sister and brother in law get back from the cramps show, those assholes left me here to watch the dogs, damnit.
xo, jake.
>From: Mommys Lil Monster <socialdgirl18@yahoo.com>
>To: Jake Popken <revolutionarie@hotmail.com>
>Subject: Re:
>Date: Wed, 30 Oct 2002 15:12:17 -0800 (PST)
>
>
>I havent seen you online lately I hope I get to talk to you soon :) and yes SD rawx the punk world yo ill tell my mothah lol peace
> Jake Popken <revolutionarie@hotmail.com> wrote:i don't remember saying it. sorry if i did though. anyways, social
>distortion rock yo. word to yo' mothah'!
>
>
>
>
>
>
> >From: Mommys Lil Monster
> >To: Jake Popken
> >Subject: Re: Date: Wed, 23 Oct 2002 10:07:49 -0700 (PDT)
> >
> >
> >why did you tell jesse i was flirting with you when i wasnt?
> > Jake Popken wrote:you didn't fool me, and by
> >the way, so you don't get confused. i watch porn
> >because i like nudity, i honestly don't care what new video pamela anderson
> >did, or ......hahahaha, atleast your breasts aren't as bad as hers.
> >anyways.
> >yeah, i'm natural, i like nudity being as it's not fake.
> >
> >xo,
> >jake.
anyways. andy's (brother in law's) sister's band stayed with us for two nights while on tour. they're all pretty rad kids, she's rad herself. anyways, that's about it, other than i seem to get mad when shit doesn't work anymore, makes me get pissed at the working class like "what the fuck are you doing making faulty products asshole" oh well. have a nice day all of you.
xo, end.
-jake
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, October 28th, 2002
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yo, i'm chillin at my sisters, i just had a rad jam session, quite a lame little tape we made. we fucked around for seventeen minutes just doing fucking solos. hah. but i made it to write lyrics to while listening for the real song. anyways, i'll try n type them once i'm done, if you want a copy of the demo we plan to release, send me a tape and pay for shipping or once i get like twenty some fifteen minute tapes, you can pay for shipping. i'd rather you do the send me a tape thing just so i can have the twenty five stay here in california. anyways, maybe i should put together an mp3.com site, i think i will.
all take care,
xo, peace.
jake
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Sunday, October 27th, 2002
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yo, this is the last time i'll be using this computer for about two weeks. everyone take care an no one fuck shit up.
xo, peace.
entrophy
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 1:07 am. |
| Music: | doom. |
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well. trepid now have one songs down, and a running song down.
you know of course we won't play it, just put it as the hidden track. every band has a running song, good riff too. anyways, yeah. the song we do have is rad. if someone gives me a better soundcard i might be able to record it onto the comp. end.
xo, peace.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Saturday, October 26th, 2002
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Friday, October 25th, 2002
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| Time: | 9:27 am. |
| Mood: |  giddy. | | Music: | ratherxbexalive. |
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hey everyone, i'm going to my sisters for about a week or so while my dad goes and works on the new house up north. tyler......i'll give you a call, we'll figure something out. everyone else.....have a nice day. bush......resign.
xo, peace.
-jake
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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ratherxbexalive's journal
confused.
